Saturday, December 4, 2010

A silly Saturday poem.

It has been a day where all of things you wanted to go right go wrong
It isn't real nice to think of it twice and sing your oh so sad song.

My throat is all gross, it hurts to eat toast and study for all of my tests.
If these next days don't kill me, my final grades will be B's & C's at best.

The server was down, when I came around at 1:30pm today
I've been learning since then, I can't recall when I stopped to say "Hurray!"

Things are working now, but I don't see how I will finish all I have to do
If you could pray, maybe some day, I could pray for you.

:) The End.

Friday, December 3, 2010

a quick update

1. I find it hilarious that these last few days, where I have been more busy than ever, I've found the inspiration to blog. Interesting.

2. I am so cute today I might hit on myself. I have a presentation... which means a cute dress, a cute sweater, fabulous heels, and glitzy jewelry. Aw yeah girl.

3. In the last 72 hours I have consumed 3 20ounce bottles of Pepsi and am currently working on another one.

4. I can NEVER sit still anymore. I am always tapping my foot. I think it's partially the caffeine and the sugar but also my generally nervous existance. This is my psychological brain emerging: People who don't twitch have self-confidence, understand their value and are safe to sit still while the rest of us panic about being called on, having to speak up in class, or are worried the professor knows we didn't do all of the reading.

5. I now live at the library. It smells here. Oh the joy.

6. There sure are a lot of cute boys at PLU. Too bad none of them want to love me.... sucks for them (seriously, I love my outfit today.).

7. Pray for me. It's the weekend but that means I have to turn up the intensity and get stuff done.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Woah. Epiphany.

The Lord is REALLY opening my eyes to the inner workings of my brain these days.

Again, you will notice it is around the 1 o'clock hour. I finished my Wednesday night work shift an hour ago, came home to fold laundry and eat Top Ramen while determined to work on homework even if I was exhausted.

You see, I've been up since 6:30am. That's 17 and 1/2 hours. I've been going non-stop since then and I'm feeling the affects of the day. After maybe three minutes of homework I realized I would not be productive, I was too exhausted. So I planned to eat my Top Ramen, read my bible, read a chapter in Captivating and go to sleep. As I sat eating my Top Ramen, I felt guilty for sleeping. I felt guilty for contemplating reading my bible before going to sleep instead of reading biology, I felt guilty for wanting to read a chapter in my Captivating book...
I felt guilty for resting.

I thought, "That's weird, not healthy, and wrong. Go deeper, figure that one out."
So I thought about it:
There is a difference between productivity and frantic busyness. I cannot be truly productive right now because I am tired and my body wants to refresh itself after the busy day I had. Rest is from the Lord. There is a difference between rest and laziness. I should not feel guilty because my body is designed to sleep. What is SO important that I must deprive myself of healthy rest?

And then it hit me. Woah. Epiphany.

School, specifically homework, has become an idol.
As Pastor Mark often says, an idol is usually a good thing that you've made into a God thing. An idol is what you spend the most amount of time on, invest in, look to for validation, worship with your time, talent, and money, and fight for even when you know it will not satisfy.

THAT explains the guilt. Guilt is not from the Lord, conviction is. Guilt is from Satan. Satan wants to steal, kill, and destroy me because he hates me. He wants me to run myself thin, become scary dehydrated again, miss school and then feel so guilty for failing my professors by not showing up to class or not getting a 4.0 (My mindset has always been, if a 4.0 is attainable, I must be able to reach it. If I can't, I have failed. This is, of course, crazy but I'm not satisfied unless it's a 4.0. Anything else makes me beat myself up about how stupid I am, how lazy I am, how much I could have done better, how much time I wasted sleeping...).

Realizing this makes a lot of other things make sense. Many of them I will keep to myself but one thing it affects is my attitude towards my schoolwork- I resent it because it's difficult and I resent myself because I'm not Rory Gilmore. Realizing that school is an idol means that I look to my grades, my degree as something to validate me, define me, and give me worth.... which it can't do... OH how my frustrations make sense now.

If only I had realized this in September. :) Thank you, Lord.

Pray for me.
Now, go to bed, young lady!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Oh there you are, Peter!

I went to see Emma, my sister, this weekend. She's awesome. We were driving in the ancient purple van that has been passed down through all the Swanson's and STILL HASN'T DIED when Emma turned to me and said, "You should get a haircut." I agreed. My hair has been unruly and dead for a LONG time. She said, "I'll pay for it. You should get a pixie cut." SO. Without further adieu, I present to you my new look. I am so totally a pixie:

Friday, July 23, 2010

Emily Anne Valovich Cofer

Let me introduce you to one of my best friends. The closest to my age, Emily has always been my favorite cousin. I'm sure everyone knows it and I feel no shame in saying it. :) In our childhood we wrote letters to each other or talked on the phone for hours about our crushes and fairies. As young teenagers we continued talking about fairies but our stories were now peppered with friends, God, music and books. In the last few years, we have talked less and less- both occupied with life. And then how could I talk with her when Uncle Dale passed? There were no words, I could only cry and Emily was a different Emily. We did not care about fairies anymore.

Enter Evan, stage right.

The first few weeks I knew Evan, we wrote LONG e-mails back and forth. This was the man my dearest cousin had been talking about, dreaming about, saving pictures of wedding dresses for her entire life. I loved him instantly as did the rest of the family. God's timing is perfect. This man came in with a saving love, healing Emily and holding her together. What a Man of God.

Tomorrow these lovely people will join their lives together in front of God and family. Each time a new man is added to the family, the dynamics change. This time, the dynamics are drastic- the Dynamics are moving to California. But what God has joined together NO MAN will separate. I am blessed and excited to be a part of their celebration. Welcome to the Fam, Evan.

I love you, Emzie.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

My Father's Swedish Family

My Grandfather: Alden George Swanson
His Wife: Coralyn Jane Digre

My Great Grandfather: Theodore David Swanson
His Wife: Gerda Amalia Svard

My Great Great Grandfather: Gustaf Theodolf Svenson
His Wife: Johanna Matilda Liljequist

My Great Grandmother: Gerda Amalia Svard
Her Father: Grenadier Saloman Petterson Svard
Her Mother: Johanna Charlotta Petersdotter

My Grandfather: Alden George Swanson
His Brother: Dwight Valentine Swanson, married to Emerentia Proieda Blaskowska, affectionately known a Emery.
His Brother: Elmer David Swanson, married Frances Elizabeth Maddox
His Sister: Genevieve Charlotte Gertrude Swanson, married Curtis Holmer who died young, she re-married Everett Pearson

Other names that reach back to the 1700's:
Nils (3, all males)
Stina (female)
Magnus (male
Sven (a couple of Sven's, males)
Axel (male)
Charin (female)
Ingeborg (female)

There is also an Emma and a Molly. :)

Monday, March 22, 2010

We're all learning.

When I was in high school, I swore I would never drink and I loudly condemned every one who did.

While dating my ex-boyfriend, I told him I didn't want him drinking at all. I wanted him to set a good example for his brothers, which I still think is reasonable, but I also wanted him to conform to what I believed was the right thing to do. Of course, underage drinking is against the law. But I was calling on a higher law: my personal legalism.

It wasn't until my sister's bachelorette party that I understood alcohol could be enjoyed in moderation. The women there were of the legal age and not a single one got drunk. I was not pressured to even try a drink. I even had my own 'Safe Sex on the Beach' punch bowl of fruit juice. We all had fun, dancing and joking around, and it was that night that I realized you don't become a slobbering drunk from one drink.

There is a way to drink without being foolish. I just didn't learn that until the end of my first year of college. Now, I regret how much I vocally condemned other people who had figured out before me that 'Everything in moderation' can be applied to alcohol.

That being said, my most recent struggle is with cigarettes.

I have a huge problem with cigarettes. I didn't realize that until a dear friend picked up the habit. Sure, I had been around smokers but it was never some one I cared about so deeply so it didn't bother me.

Now we all know, including smokers, that cigarettes are bad news but who am to stand on a soap box and loudly condemn every smoker I see? I am just as weak. I rationalize eating foods that make me sick and I am incredibly lazy. Sloth is one of the seven deadly sins for a reason. And then there is the self-inflicted toll constantly being sick has on my physical body. I can't pull out the 'your body is the temple of God', verse on smokers when I am constantly yakking because I'd rather eat ice cream than actually make myself a sandwich. I am as incapable of fighting the crap in my life as smokers. We all rely on something we don't need, something that can kill us. It lurks in the darkness but you know in your heart that it's there.

What's my point..... I guess my point is that we're all learning. We're all growing up, learning more about the world, about ourselves, about God, and I think we lack patience. People are still figuring it out... don't condemn some one for something you disagree on. Maybe they are just growing up, just learning. I'm not saying cigarettes are OK; they're not. I'm simply stating that I am learning, we are learning, mind-sets change and we all need to have more patience with each other. I've lost my patience a lot lately and it has cost me a wonderful friend. You may not agree with me... but please remember, I'm learning.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Things I WILL do in 2010

1. Make the journey up to Canada to Sara's house.
2. Take a road trip during the summer down to California.
3. Sharpen up my piano playing skills.
4. Get back to college- either UW or PLU... and maybe Reed in Portland, known for its debauchery.
5. Try to pick up the mandolin.
6. Start a band with Kristen Farrell!!!
7. Perform somewhere.
8. *If I move to Seattle* Dread my hair. (stop freaking out, it's not your hair.)